Not any better

Mom has a facebook page and every once in a while her page will come up on the side of my home page, or in the 'shared friends' section on a friend's profile.  And there's her smiling face to remind me that she's not around anymore. 
Yes, every day, often more than once a day, I think of her and get upset all over again.  Typically when I'm alone or driving in the car with Jacob.  The same thoughts run through my head over and over and I relive it all over again.  And I'm still angry and I still wish I could give up everything to have her back.  And I feel guilty because I'm angry that Rob gets his mom while I don't.  And that his mom is crazy and mine was awesome, so now Jake gets the crazy grandma instead of the awesome one.  And that's horrible to think cause I wouldn't wish this pain on my husband in a million years.  But there you have it.